Mondayitis
By Samantha Leith | August 1, 2011
Is Mondayitis a word???? No, however it is a sickness that many of us are faced with every 7 days. Questions go over and over in our minds, answers are a little less prolific.
Life changing thoughts spin around and around at dizzying speeds.
I don’t know about you, but it’s like every Monday is New Years Day all over again.
I have great with my food habits!
I always exercise more!
I keep the house spotless!
I work smart not hard!
I only spend the money I can afford to!
I stick to a budget!
I make phone calls when I say I’m going to!
I finish my To Do List – everyday!
We usually start of well, then by the time the 6th day has come around again, it’s like it’s Christmas, and we think – oh, heck…..I’ll start being good on Monday. What happened to Wednesday, do any of us ever start a new thing on a Wednesday? Probably not as we are to intrenched in worrying if we are going to stick to our weekly resolutions.
They have shown that most people don’t start diets on any other day of the week. Â It’s like Monday wipes the slate of the past. Â Well you know what? You can wipe the slate any day. Â You can wipe the slate 5 minutes after you have eaten something that felt like forbidden fruit.
Today I’m not starting again, as I haven’t got off …… why then oh why, have I not posted lately? Â Well, I’ve been bloody depressed about the fact that I have been so angelic with food, alcohol and exercise and I’ve only just nudged under the 126kg mark!!!! Stupid hey. Â That’s what I should be blogging about!!!
It’s still a loss, but it’s not what I was expecting and it has made me sad. Â Elodie is excited for me, she helped me cross of that kilo on the chart in my bathroom. Now having lost 6 kgs since that shocking bike ride in Centennial Park, I should be happy – right?? Well, I wasn’t, but now I am. Â I am very happy that even with the crap that has gone on over the last few months, I have still lost. Â Even after all the drugs I was on with whopping cough, including ones that are inclined to make you put on weight, I have still lost.
I am happy. Â I am proud and I have lost over 9% of what I want to lose. Â How great is that!!! Â I just had to shift my thinking. Â That’s the decision we have a million times a day. Â How can I shift my thinking to make this situation better?
Will I be my angry that the traffic is bad so I will be late to school and work, or will I be happy that I get to spend some extra time in the care with Elodie? Â I chose happy.
Today I choose to have a great day. Â What do you choose?
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Topics: Goals, Mental Health, Sharing your journey | No Comments »
The Passion Test – Lost Post from Mid July
By Samantha Leith | July 22, 2011
Why is it, when you tell some people your plans they just look at you as though you have horns growing out of your head???
Yes, I’m like lots of other people out there in the world that have tried lots of different careers etc and have had a ever changing dream list. Shouldn’t we get bonus points for still having dreams??
I don’t know about you, but I’m happy that I haven’t just accepted who, what and where I am. I want to be a better person in mind, body and pocket.
Yes, I have lost weight before and put it back on. I’m a poster girl for failing – like so many of us think we are.  It’s funny, usually, I am too scared to try things incase I fail – dieting however, I have tried and tried and tried and failed. Note the key words there ‘diet’ and ‘try’. If my memory serves me correctly I had been to both Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers by the time I was 15. Diets are great if the ONLY reason you are overweight is you are eating the wrong foods. If you are like me and eat for emotional reasons (including boredom), then a diet is never going to work. It’s only taken me 37 years to figure that out. Hey, I know that you need to eat less and exercise more to shed weight – it’s not rocket science……what I’m on a quest to figure out and fix, is how, if I know this, did I end up at 133.5kgs earlier this year??????
Let’s look at my bookshelf behind me…..Diet Books include (but not limited to) (always wanted to say that)…..
- The Crazy Adventures of Diet Girl
- The Hungry Years
- Too Short To Be Fat
- French Women Don’t Get Fat
- The Aitkins Diet
- The Dukan Diet
- The Sweet Poison Quit Plan
- The Ultimate Weight Solution
- The Zone
- Stop The Insanity
- Make The Connection
- The Gabriel Method
You get the idea.  Why have I read then all yet never managed to get below 80kgs (I think) and stay there.  Is it because I can’t say no to chocolate when it walks past??? Is it because I reach for food or alcohol to celebrate or commiserate anything?
No – well, kind of.  You see those actions are just symptoms of my past inability to make the best choice for me – not anyone else. Not the lady at work who I don’t want to upset by not eating her lamington and not my mum who made a bread & butter pudding.
I went to The Passion Test on Saturday and I was inspired.  I read the book years a go, but I didn’t actually ‘get it’.  This time I did.  Always said the penny would drop one day.  Anyway, my #1 Passion was ‘to be fit & healthy and have abundant energy’.  Are these things true of me now?  NO.  Am I working towards it? YES.  From now on when I am met with the ‘should I or shouldn’t I’ question, I will ask myself ‘which answer will lead me towards my passion’?  I’m guessing it won’t be the lamington.
Janet Attwood used this great example of a woman in her team who responded with ‘thank you, and no’ when asked if she wanted to go out for a celebratory ice cream treat.  It lead her away from her passion, not towards.  You see, when weight has never been a problem for you, a celebratory ice cream is a non issue, but for those of us who use food as comfort and to please or share with others it is a huge issue.
I challenge all of you this week to make decisions based on what will lead you closer to your passion, and to not use food or alcohol as a celebratory or commiserative tool.
Topics: Goals, Mental Health, Sharing your journey | No Comments »
Consequence Not Punishment – the lost post from mid July
By Samantha Leith | July 14, 2011
Wow.  I posted an update on Facebook about how I was going to go for a swim at Bondi, in a bikini, in the freezing cold and have a photo taken – all because I didn’t reach my goal this month.  Well the response was amazing.  Phone, facebook and email.  All with a common thread that I shouldn’t be punishing myself.  Well after doing the deed and lots of soul searching I realised I wasn’t punishing myself.  I was accepting a consequence, and there is a big difference.
I have punished myself daily all my life, by choosing to eat and drink the wrong types of things or too much, and by not sticking to an exercise regime. I punish myself daily by biting my fingernails, and by leaving some tasks till the last minute. Â I have punished myself by letting people treat me badly etc etc. Â All of these things because at some level I wanted to fail, feel like crap and be overweight.
NOT ANYMORE!!!!!!
I saw the swimming as a consequence of me not sticking to the plan.  I didn’t even see me not losing 4kgs this month as a failure.  I had a GREAT time in Bali and I wouldn’t take any of it back.  I am willing to accept that I set myself a target and I let myself down (in some ways) by not sticking to it. This is another month though, and I have promised myself that I will stay on plan.
I don’t think I’ve ever had to face a consequence of my obesity.  I have always managed to look nice (I think – please don’t tell me otherwise), I’ve never had to get an extender belt on a plane (big fear), I’ve always managed to find ‘companionship’ and nobody has ever said to me ‘oh my god Sam you need to do something about you weight’.  I find the last one the most interesting as my friends were able to pull me aside when I was younger and partying to hard and voice their concern.  Obesity is killing me, yet people don’t really discuss it.  Very interesting, don’t you think?
Other people were worried that I should be more accepting of myself and my size.  Well I am accepting of it. I have a fabulous hour glass figure that can swim along way, gave birth to an amazing daughter, dances, sings very well, can cook great meals, do my job well etc etc.  I accept this, and I honour the body I was given, but I would still like to modify it.  I don’t believe I can be the best me, the best mother, partner, friend, colleague and business owner as I am now.  I want to be fitter, leaner and healthier.  My body has gotten me to here and for that I am very grateful.  I’d just like to update the model.  If for some reason I couldn’t lose weight (medical etc) well that would be my path and I would accept that.  But I am not happy to sit back and end up like so many people with poor health when I can do something about it.
Anyway on to the swim………it was FREEZING at Bondi.  So cold that they are doing this Winter Festival thing with an outdoor ice skating rink and Bavarian Cafe!!!!!  The only people on the beach were surfers in wetsuits (about 20 of them) and about 4 very obvious tourists who were having a quick splash between the flags.  I will confess I didn’t buy a bikini.  I wasn’t willing to splash out $80 for something I was only going to wear once.  So I tucked my tankini top under my boobs – still embarrassing enough I can assure you.  After getting changed in the Pavilion, we walked down the beach (with my jumper on) to between the flags.  My daughter so badly wanted to come in with me, but I had to be tough on the NO.  She did take her tights and skirt off while I was in and splashed her feet in the water.
I took of my jumper and walked, very shyly for the last 5 metres.  At first the water felt icy cold, but as I got wet up to my head it wasn’t so cold (compared to outside).  I lasted over a minute (but it felt like 10), a few big waves and then walked back up to be greeted by my fabulous friend taking the pics.  She couldn’t give me that towel quick enough.  I then walked back to get changed and tried to ignore the stares of passersby looking at this lunatic in a towel while they were wearing ski jackets!!!!
We then stopped for a skim milk chai to warm me up – did the trick.  My legs felt like I had just been on a ski slope with no pants on.  They hurt!!!! Good news is I haven’t caught a cold.  The BEST news is. I DID IT!!!!! At any point I could have piked, and I thought about it.  Especially after the Icebergs pool was closed because of the huge waves crashing into it.  Icebergs was the original consequence location……..instead I moved to the beach. Which is even worse for a fatty as you have to do that walk – you can’t just slip into the pool.
I am proud of myself for accepting the consequence and for carrying out the task.  Next month – I have to do a beginners pole dancing class if I don’t make it…..all those mirrors.  Yuck!!!!  It’s a funny one as I have a beginners pole dancing class as a reward when I hit 70kgs, but at this size there is no way that I want to go to one.
Shout out to Gabriela Rosa – I hope you are happy now……warning, because you missed the swim, I might get you to come pole dancing!!!!
Topics: Consequences, Goals, Mental Health, Punishments, Rewards, Sharing your journey | No Comments »
When life throws you lemons……
By Samantha Leith | June 2, 2011
Make lemonade!!!!
What a week in my life. I am home sick with suspected whooping cough and while lying at home feeling sorry for myself, my mother had a knee replacement. That was all ok, till I got the phone call telling me that she had suffered a stroke in the 48hrs after surgery. She is ok. No paralysis, but is suffering from acute dysphasia. Which means she jumbles her words and can’t recognise things etc. We really won’t know how it will all pan out for another couple of weeks and more testing and therapy etc.
My family is my world. My mother and daughter in particular.
I sobbed uncontrollably when the doctor rang me and then wandered around my apartment not knowing what to do. I had a shower, I unpacked the dishwasher and then I wanted to eat and I wanted to drink.
I thank God (or whatever is the all powerful force in life) for me being a few weeks in to this journey, and for having a safe food house. Well apart from my daughters left over Easter Eggs, but I wouldn’t touch those…..I don’t know why, I just wouldn’t.
I really wanted something sweet so I ate some dried apricots. I wanted to drink so I had my ginger, garlic and lemon concoction – with extra honey.
If I had been leaving the flat would I have eaten something else? If I wasn’t sick, would I have blown it ? Or, am I learning to know the signs and not do something that I will punish myself for later?
My daughter is at a sleepover tonight and with her dad tomorrow night and I have been feeling melancholic, sick and alone. I would normally be at my book club tonight and out with a friend tomorrow night, but as I am sick I will be here. Just me, myself and I. Now I went through a faze last year when I had alone nights of wanting comfort food, so I would make Nigella’s version of cabonara. Not this week. I rang a friend and she brought me some healthy leftovers. My savior. Thank you Nic. I finished it with a mini calypo.
My sister was texting me from the hospital, and she, like me, wanted some comfort from food. We were taught that by our gorgeous mother. Maybe because we are worried about her, we resort to these old habits. Why oh why though, does our brother who was brought up in the same house, not have the same food issues. Maybe the book I’m reading “woman, food and god” will shed some light. I’ll keep you posted.
So now I still feel sick, I’m desperately worried about my mother, I miss my daughter but I don’t feel like I have stuffed up by eating and drinking the wrong things.
Now for a warm cup of that bug killing lemonade and bed. Fingers crossed I survive tomorrow…….and maybe someone will bring me some chicken soup.
икони
Topics: Family, Food Habits (not diets) | No Comments »
Temptation at the petrol station
By Samantha Leith | May 31, 2011
ARHGHGHGH
Rainy Day + Very Cold + Feeling Sick + Stopping for Petrol + Worried about mum in surgery = WANTING TO BUY CHOCOLATE!!!!
This was me this afternoon. I knew I was going o put petrol in my car and knew that when I went inside to pay I would be faced with that wall of temptation and was leaning towards wanting to succumb to the empty calories of chocolate. Now given my knew found ability to talk about this, I didn’t suffer. I picked up the phone and called my friend Nic. Who calmly said to me ‘buy some sugar free gum or lollies’. Ok. So I’d spoken about the weakness, and could now face that wall of small coloured packages.
Now I really sound like an addict. I would like to point out that I don’t always buy chocolate when faced with the temptation, but today I was actually scared that I was going to, when I knew deep down that it was not what I wanted or needed to do.
I have been so kind to myself with my food choices, no booze and forgiving of my past failures over the last few days that I was literally petrified that I would not be strong enough to pass this test.
Now remember, I also don’t want my daughter to see me thinking about or actually buying chocolate at a petrol station. So my next moves are important to me on so many levels. I know that if I do buy chocolate I will punish myself with words and actions for the next few hours or even days – which is FAR worse than the chocolate itself.
So in I walked after getting the petrol. Eyes up, just focus on the blank wall where the cigarettes are hidden Samantha (thank God I never took up that habit). What did I see on the counter? A big bowl of fruit. Bananas where 2 for $3!!!! Now that is a bargain in Sydney at the moment. I was so happy. I hadn’t eaten a banana in ages, as I refuse to pay $13 a kilo when I know the struggling farmers aren’t actually getting most of the money.
I got back in the car with a banana for me, some sugar free chewing gum and a banana for my daughter. She was almost as exicited as me about the banana. Saved by some yellow fruit. Who’d a thunk it? A good message given to my daughter (that you can make choices that are kind to your mind and body at a petrol station), my snacking desire taken care of, petrol in the car and no harm done to my mind.
I just keep thinking, that with each temptation I conquer I am 1 step closer to being a healthy person inside and out.
Some people have asked that I do write about what I am eating, so I thought I would do a weekly round up starting later this week, I’ve also been asked about the goals and rewards I am setting myself, so I will share those later.
Topics: Food Habits (not diets), Mental Health, Sometimes Food, Uncategorized | No Comments »