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    • Knowing my Cellular Age

    By Samantha Leith | May 9, 2011

    I had my first appointment with a Naturopath on Saturday…..probably one of the only things I haven’t done to lose weight as yet.  What led me there is, well, all the other stuff that goes on in our bodies.  Being overweight causes all sorts of health issues, and I’ve been lucky (so far), but the time bomb is there ticking away.  My skin is crap at the moment, I am retaining enough fluid to stop the next drought, I’m always blowing my nose, I have mood swings, I get bloated after eating certain things….and on and on.  None of which is a disaster, and I’m sure some will be helped by losing weight but I would like to know more about how to keep these beautiful bodies of ours as healthy as possible.

    Anyway……to the sucky part!!!!!  She tested my cellular age.  Now I had seen this being done on The Biggest Loser and also on a show from the UK a couple of years ago.  Did I want to know?  I can tell you, when she had that piece of paper in front of me – I didn’t want to know.  I wanted to run as fast as possible to the hills so I could avoid the truth.  So we went over the other stuff on the sheet first (I think she may have picked up my resistance).  Losing 66 kilos was pretty much on the mark (points to me), my body is dehydrated, and my percentage of body fat is tooooooo much (der fred).  Then came the clunker. The number that at first made me want to cry and then gave me this funny kind of strength.  MY CELLULAR AGE IS 62.

    I spent the rest of Saturday being depressed about this – even during my workout.  But, instead of the usual reaching for comfort food as I struggled with these feelings, I used the mood to motivate me.  I didn’t eat the easter eggs that are still in the fridge, I made myself a salad and a cup of tea.  I didn’t slob in front of the tv because there is ‘no point’, I finished my task of recording 10 chapters of  The Power of 100 book and I kept my shin up.

    Can you imagine how scary that is? 62!!!! That’s 26 years older than I am.  How have I done this to myself?  Why have I been so unimportant to myself?  Did I really think it would all just be OK one day?  How could I have been so delusional in thinking that I wasn’t jeopardising my health? You know what I did know what I was doing – I chose to ignore it.  Head in the sand, avoid it all and hope it would all go away.  Not anymore.  She said that the optimal cellular age is about 5 years younger than I am……so  now I have 66 kilos and 31 years to lose!!!!!

    The gorgeous Gabriella Rosa and I are going to work together on my weight and health issues for the next year.  Now Gabriella is a friend of mine, so all my hesitation and limiting beliefs of naturopaths costing a fortune and will make me take lots and lots of smelly supplements  have gone out the window.  She wants me to think about what consequences will I have for not reaching my goals, not just the rewards for reaching my goals.  Now for those of you who don’t know, I have a website My Goal Friend that’s all about goal setting, so I understand how to do that, but consequences – that I have never done.  I’m nasty enough to myself when I have a failure, why would I want a consequence?  I’ve heard about a woman that has a consequence of having to eat a tin of dog food if she misses a target – yuck!!!!! I don’t think that’s right for me, but I will put some thought into it….I do know that for me I don’t think it should be food related.  Let me know your suggestions.

    Topics: Goals, Naturopaths, Team Sam | No Comments »

    The Devil Inside

    By Samantha Leith | May 7, 2011

    YouTube Preview Image

    We all have a devil inside, you know the voice that says……do it, don’t do it, you’re crap, you’re not worth it, you’re a failure etc etc etc.  Combat that devil and you can achieve anything.

    I believe weight loss is 25% food intake, 25% exercise and 50% sending the devil packing!!!!

    The devil takes different forms in all of us.  It could be an addiction to sugar, alcohol, drugs, sex, bad relationships, work, lying, exercise, gambling – the list goes on.  The common thread in all of those though is that there can be a physical and mental reaction to all of them.  The endorphins running through your blood, the sugar high, the maybe this will be the winner thoughts and the hangover lows.

    For me it is firstly the inner argument yes / no, yes / no then the  sugar rush from eating that Subway cookie that I didn’t need or want but had because it was sitting on the table at work and I had to be part of the crowd, especially after the bad day I had had, so I had to eat it.  Then comes the guilt, because yet again I have let myself fall into this trap, and I start asking myself why I hate myself so much that I could be stupid enough to eat the cookie.  I will point out that all of these actions and conversations in my mind have happened in about 45 seconds!!!!  Then comes the sugar downer just to ruin it completely.

    Why am I talking about this?  Well I watched another episode of Ruby today, and they were talking LOTS about her addiction and self delusion.  I have been delusion at points – maybe we all have been, and all it does is hurt us.  But what it brought home to me is that I am the only person that can fix this.  I can have all the care, love and support in the world around me and still not do it – if I let ‘the devil inside’ win.  I won’t.  Ruby has just put on 50lbs and has done so having 2 trainers, dietician, psychologist, friends living with her and supporting her and a camera crew following her around.  I hope Ruby does conquer her devil.  I know I will, but I also know it will be there like a bad old friend for the rest of my life.  Anytime I feel sadness or anger I will have to control those old habits.  Chocolate can make you feel good for a moment, champagne can give you a happy feeling too – but I’d like to be able to give myself those feelings without the bad habit hangover.

    Physically weight loss should be a simple equation (apart from any medical conditions) less food in – more activity.  Hang on.  If it were that bloody simple there wouldn’t be an obesity epidemic in the modern world.  Yes, there are some people that get lazy with their food and exercise so they put on weight, but there are others like myself who know what to do and still don’t do it.  Talk about stupid.  Now I’ve promised myself I will be kinder to myself as yelling at myself doesn’t get me very far, but really, 36 – nearly 37 and still fat!!!!  Some people may never face their devil – if they are happy, then I am happy for them, but for those of us who aren’t I wish you all the strength in the world to face them and conquer them.  Not just to swap them and pretend, like I have in the past.

    If Oprah, Fergie, Kirsty and Ruby all continue to struggle with their weight when they have all the help in the world at their disposal then surely the penny will drop for people that we don’t need more diet books – we need to love ourselves more, we don’t need more exercise crazes – we need to care for our bodies as they have to last us a lifetime .  I’ll get off my soap box now and go to bed…..and if you read this and want to talk about your devil – please leave a comment below.

    Topics: Celebrities, Mental Health | No Comments »

    I so wanted dessert……

    By Samantha Leith | May 6, 2011

    I cannot express how thankful I am to everyone for their kind words, comments, emails, phone calls and real live chats….WOW!!!!  I knew that I would be more accountable if people were reading my blog, but I thought maybe one or two people would bother clicking that link, boy was I wrong.

    Now to how I am going.  Well it hurts like hell when I try to sit on the toilet….squats are not my friend, and running for 6 minutes when you weigh what I do and your boobs are an E cup is not fun.  So that’s the bad side of training this week.  The good side is that I stuck with it, and I felt great afterwards.  It shifts your thinking all over after you have done a workout.  It was easier for me to choose what to eat at a restaurant tonight, and easier to modify what I was eating today, to make up for the dinner.  I went to a fish restaurant with my book club – now I’d had a crappy day at work, but I didn’t have any wine. I didn’t need it, it was just a temptation.  I chose the salmon and had a handful of hand cup chips with it…………..then came the bad part, I SO wanted to order the lemon cup.  Thank goodness nobody ordered dessert, I was off the hook, but for that 3 minutes I was so close to saying “I’ll have the…”  Anyway, I came home and had a low fat yogurt with some frozen mixed berries.  Much better for me, and I don’t feel any guilt, which is nice for a change.

    Now I’m not going to bore the world with what I eat everyday, or what exercise I do – I may talk about it sometimes, but it’s pretty simple really.

    Energy in MUST BE LESS than energy out!!!!!!!  We all know that, it’s not rocket science yet the world makes more money out of creating new diets than just about anything else. I’m planning on mixing it up, I mean I have more diet books than the local library.  So each week I’m going to do a food plan based on what my daughter and I like.  Then like the other night, I may change it a bit – I had trout with salad, she had the trout with pasta.  Easy.

    I don’t want my daughter to grow up thinking that there is ‘diet food’ and ‘normal food’.  There is ‘all the time food’ and ‘sometimes’ food.  There are no ‘treat’ foods in my house.  Eating pancakes is not a treat to you, your body or your mind, but we may have them as a sometimes food – sometimes!!!  I’ve really only just noticed that when faced with a choice at a restaurant I will go for what I perceive as the richer, more flavorsome meal, and it’s not always the nicer, so tonight I was proud of myself for choosing the salmon with an eggplant salad, rather than the spaghetti with muscles, prawns and chili.

    When you have been dieting on and off for as long as I have, you start to think: salad = diet food, exercise = what you do to get fit.  That’s not the reality, so it’s  a mind shift. I sound like I just eat crap.  I don’t.  I couldn’t tell you the last time I had McDonalds or that kind of takeaway.  My weaknesses are dairy, chocolate, any snacks at work, alcohol, too larger portions and choosing the french toast if I go out for breakfast….oh and a major lack of exercise.

    There are so many excuses for the above, not enough time, not enough money, too tired, can do it myself blah blah blah – I’ve used them all, and now I’m left with admitting that I don’t like this version of me.  I can be so much better, and I want to be so much better.  I used to say my weight wasn’t an issue because I always got work (day work and singing), always dressed nicely and could always get laid.  Wow, not one statement about how I feel in those.  Yes, all those things are true, but I am changing me for me finally.

    I posting a photo here and I think it’s even harder than admitting I weighed 132kgs!!!! I truly am delusional I think.  I looked at the photo Sam (another Sam) took, and was thinking I look like crap, my hair is bad, my makeup is bad, oh my gosh look at those rolls, my boobs look flat, where does my arse end….and it went on and on. I thought, couldn’t I get a better photo??? Who am I kidding!!!  It’s not like nobody has noticed I’m obese.  So here it is, the photo I don’t want to upload of me at my first session at the gym.  I am putting a gallery page in, so I can see me at all the different stages as I go.

    Not going there again

    Please keep the comments, emails and call coming, they mean so much.  I have opened up the comments capability on the site so you can odd comments there if you want. www.StrippingBackTheLayers.com

     Идея за подарък

    Topics: Exercise / Training, Food Habits (not diets), Sharing your journey | 2 Comments »

    Mika Big Girl

    By Samantha Leith | May 5, 2011

    Have you seen this yet??? Half of me loves it, and the other half (maybe the slim half) doesn’t.  Weird.  Anyway, have a look and then you can decide.

    YouTube Preview Image
    Some great outfits. I’m sure I wore a corset like the blue one to a Sydney Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras – maybe 1996.Сувенириикони

    Topics: Videos | 1 Comment »

    Dating when overweight

    By Samantha Leith | May 3, 2011

    Dating is a tough one when you are on a journey like this. I haven’t had a date for a couple of years now, and I don’t think I’m in the right place to start (but then are you ever?), but I have been thinking about it recently. Something tells me that me I owe it to myself to find a partner, short term , long term doesn’t matter. I just need to get back out in the world and experience life outside my daughter, my extended family and work. But it’s so scary!!!!!!

    I had a conversation with my shrink about it – she asked me a very simple question ‘where would you put them in your life?’.  She didn’t just mean time wise, she meant physically in our house also.  I’ve heard lots of people talk about that over the years.  These days we are all so busy being busy, and creating our dream houses, hobbies, friendship circles etc that we barely have room for a new handbag or a manicure let alone a new partner.  Are we filling ourselves up to avoid the confrontation of it, or are some of us happier alone??? I’ll get back to you when I’ve worked out my answer to this.

    The questions that go over and over in your mind are stupid. Then you keep telling yourself you’re being stupid which makes you feel even worse. Surely I will snap out of this cycle at some point!!

    Why would they want to be seen out with me?
    Do they think all fat girls are easy because we don’t get asked very often?
    Are they just feeling sorry for me?
    Then you say to yourself ‘oi stupid, maybe they think you’re ok’!!!! It’s just hard when you don’t think that you would actually go out with yourself at the moment.
    You see, the last time I lost weight was when I was madly in love and truly thought that I would be more lovable if I was thinner. They say thin people are sizest, well let me tell you, fat people are also.

    What happened to my confidence? Did I leave it in a shoe shop somewhere??

    I’ve been overweight 95% of my life and during that time I have dated plenty of people, so I know deep down that it’s not my weight that is the issue. It comes down to how you feel about yourself and in times when I have been feeling confident (or good at faking it), it’s fine. The other times, it gets a bit quieter on the romance front – or, black out silent like now.
    You need to treat yourself how you want to be treated, love yourself how you want to be loved, respect yourself like you want to be respected etc etc and then Mr or Ms Right will walk on in the door.
    It’s funny, I’m so into goal setting and personal development etc etc but the one thing I have never done is write about my perfect partner. Some people say this is how the Universe will use the Law of Attraction to bring them to you…..I’ve never been able to figure out who I’m looking for so that page in my journal is still empty.  I joked in the past that I’d like a partner that treated me well and left by 4am (so as not to meet my daughter), well I’m over that phase now (it was possibly just another avoidance tactic).

    Now to the Wild Wooly Web – there are actually dating sites (and lots of them) for larger men and women. BBW that’s what we’re called apparently.
    Here are a couple if you want to have a look.
    BBW Australia

    Large Friends

    There are lots more BBW dating sites out there, but hey…..I don’t want someone to be attracted to me primarily because they like larger women (and we are known to be fairly talented between the sheets – I hope my mum doesn’t read this).  I don’t need to join a BBW dating site, as I’m not going to be a BBW for much longer, and I’ll start dating when I think I would date myself if you know what I mean.

     

    Topics: Dating | No Comments »

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